For a self-professed writer, I haven’t been doing a whole lot of writing lately. Even though I claim writing as my primary occupation and priority, I’ve been working on building my editing business. And before that, I was taking a break from my main book series to focus on writing something else, something easier and less laden with complexity and complicated memories.

But now, it’s time to get back to work. Real work.

I’ve completed a few editing projects, which feels fantastic, and I have another big one lined up for a few months from now. As I’m searching for my next client, though, I have some space to wade back into my story waters and pick up where I left off.

Except, I’m realizing, it’s quite impossible to “pick up” right where I left off.

Sure, my notes are all there: some half-formed, some only with titles of what I meant to write—all disorganized from just throwing things down in a fit of passion and inspiration. 

Sure, my writing is there: all different versions of my first scene, a messy draft, moved around to find some semblance of structure.

Sure, new ideas are there: rewriting things in first-person POV (point-of-view) to give better access to my main character, using nicknames to make the naming of my characters easier, etc. But the problems I haven’t solved are all still there, too.

And that’s the big difficulty. I can’t just pick up writing where I left off, because I didn’t leave off actually writing my book. I left off with a host of problems and complexities I couldn’t solve or deal with right then. All those problems are still facing me today, and it’s time to deal with them.

The first thing that curtailed my writing work so long ago was my concussion. I tried to work through it for months before we figured out what the problem was, and I had occasional story breakthroughs, but not many. I couldn’t write; I could barely concentrate enough to read. I just didn’t have mental capacity to deal with such deep work.

This has definitely improved over time, but I’m still dealing with some post-concussive fallout. I still have some issues with my brain not working right (or as it did before), and I’m tackling those issues with my doctors. Hopefully, there’s still improvement to come. For right now, though, I’m learning how to work with my new normal.

Second, my writing coach and I parted ways. Even though this was the right move for the long run, it was a huge blow at the time. I relied on him to be my sounding board, my mentor, my friend. I relied on him for too many things, and the sudden empty space was tremendously hard to deal with. How could I write my book without him? We had been through so much. 

I am now figuring this out, because I NEED to write this book without him. It’s my work, and if I can’t bring it to life, who will? Truthfully, I don’t want anyone else to write it because it’s my baby. I just need to figure out how to do this on my own, for this particular book. So much of it is wrapped up in the memories of working with my writing coach, so separating the two will be a challenge. But I’m up for it.

Finally, I was right at the beginning of trying to revise the global story, moving past the messy first draft into a coherent second draft. As always, it’s easier to edit someone else’s work than it is your own. You have the necessary distance from someone else’s story; you don’t need to solve every problem for it, just present them to the author; and there are fewer details and worldbuilding information to muck up your view of the overall plot. So, while I can revise and edit someone else’s work perfectly fine, working on my own has presented challenges.

I’ve never revised something this large for myself before, and some story problems just aren’t presenting with obvious solutions. That’s the biggest issue, knowing something needs to change but not knowing HOW to change it quite yet. 

All of these reasons are why I needed a break from this book, but the last one is the biggest reason why that break will benefit me more for taking it rather than trying to work through it. I’ve gained some much-needed distance, and the problems I’ve encountered seem less big now that I’m not stuck in the middle of them. Hopefully, solutions will soon follow!

For now, I can’t just jump back into the writing, no matter how much I want to. I need to give myself a fresh start, organize my notes, get a handle on where I left off so I can see where I’m going. Figure out solutions to my plotting problems.

We writers can’t always just “pick up where we left off.” We need to gently wade into those story waters again, do the busy work, the warm-up work. Reacquaint ourselves with our story. Fall in love with it again.

Only then can we move on from our starting point and continue breathing life into this universe of our minds.