I had a dream last night about a former friend I’m no longer in contact with, and those kinds of dreams always tug at the heartstrings. No one likes to lose a friend, but it’s why I lost this friend that I’d like to discuss today. I lost them for my art.

Now, losing friends throughout our lives is a sad but common occurrence. We grow into different stages and see them less often, develop different interests, become different people. The tomboy and the girly girl often have little to say to one another, as do the foodie and the person on a super restrictive diet. 

These stages are a natural part of our social evolution. A stage that not many talk about, though, but I have recently discovered? Losing a friend through jealousy.

I’m not exactly living the life here; I’m not rolling in dough, flouting my (nonexistent) extravagance to the world. But to a specific former friend of mine who was not allowed to follow her dreams, me living and working towards mine probably feels like a slap in the face. A constant reminder of the life that she will never have, if she continues on her path of actually being on good terms with her family.

 I didn’t do anything wrong here, but I also don’t blame her for this. (What was unfortunate was her pretending to be my friend in the face of this resentment, but that’s neither here nor there). 

The crux of this is: Can those around you stand by and watch you live your best life when they are not?

Likely, no, not unless they are inspired by you to do something about their own situation. That can be a magical recipe for a friendship, because you in turn will be inspired by their leap into the unknown. You push each other, challenge each other, to be better versions of yourselves, and you each achieve greater heights because of the other, even if you’re not living the same dream.

Treasure those relationships, because they are the stuff of unicorns and legends. 

More often, you’ll come across people who not only don’t understand your non-traditional lifestyle, but don’t want to. I personally adore the people who try to understand, because this life is confusing for anyone looking from the outside. I get that, and I love that I have people in my life who could judge but instead seek understanding. 

I appreciate these friends and family all the more for wanting to “get” me.

But those who don’t want to understand, just judge? Forget. Them. They will never get it because they don’t want to. 

Whether it’s borne out of a mindset of extreme frugality (and therefore anything other than the go-to-the-9-5-day-job lifestyle is alien and offensive to them) or borne out of jealousy, the result is the same. These people do not fit with your life anymore—and that’s okay.

I’ve heard from a few writing/creativity gurus (like Elizabeth Gilbert, in her book Big Magic) that living your creative life will result in you losing people. I never really understood that until it started happening to me. 

It’s sad that people feel stuck in their lives with no way to change their situation—or feel that the sacrifices for that life would be too great—and it makes sense that they would resent those free enough to do what they cannot.

I don’t judge this friend for not being able to stand by and watch me live my life. It’s sad, of course. It hurts, because I’ve always loved her. But she will be a beautiful memory in my past, someone I needed in my life at the time we met but no longer do. 

We both have new chapters to move onto, and our stories just aren’t in the same book anymore.

So, tell me: have you ever experienced the ending of a friendship or relationship through jealousy or resentment? Have you taken that big leap into the unknown to embrace your true life? I’d love to hear your stories!